the original rebels

in the midst of turmoil
something so startlingly beautiful

i wish i could talk to you, l
but why do i feel like i can't?

depletion, but it's needed for the basics of everything

met someone
new,
by someone amazing
there's strength in numbers,
it gives me strength

.....

"hi... my name is...lisa.
and... I'm an alcoholic."

everyone: "welcome lisa"

"i... drink, because... before certain.. things... it made me a better person... i thought. but now.. i got so used to it. and now though...it doesn't make me a happier person or a better person. i can't stop my tears, in whatever occasion, only when i'm with people, certain people - even then- i can stop my tears... but... for some reason... i'd rather cry.... because it's more real to me than having that...reservation..."

silence.

"i drink because... (heavy laugh)... i don't know. ... that's something. i... don't know. i'm a woman.. i should be strong.. right? does race have anything to do with it? i drink because... i drink, because then, i'm no longer angry.... why do i have to be angry all the time? i've been taught... to... not to be angry. it's not "christian." --- "forgive and forget..." --- and then... what?"

"i do all these things... but i'm still angry... and i drink to no longer be angry..... and i wonder... why am i still angry..sober?"

silence.
she sits... in the circle.

an outsider included among outsiders...
.....

if there's no passion...
there's nothing

if the heart's not there
there's nothing

if it's just action without meaning
or meaning without action
it's all meaningless...
....

men write off "women's power"
their "coming together"
as lesbianism
because there's such passion in it, there's something new and amazing and surprising

it's because men don't realize....

it's a new thing - when two women can come together in something amazing
and it's beyond sex, or sexual desire, there's no lesbianism.

we may not understand men's compansionship (as natural as it seems) -
but we envy it

and when it happens among women for us - it's so amazing, so powerful - we just get that glimpse of men - because it is so categorized in a man's world - but sadly the truth of it is...

women, would give up everything - EVER-RY-THING - for a man they love,but a man would not...

and in that...

is the breaker of equalization.

we strive for human connection.
men... want to stay on the throne.
and even then. we'd let them... just to feel they have something...

whatever it may be.