the touch i've been looking for

he strokes my body
but it dies-
(typo: does)
not reach my dead heart

you're soft, he says
i smile, letting him pet
the lion that waits to devour
waits
to devour...
to savor it when it's obtained
(if it is ever)

he does not know
how harrrrrrrd
i can get

uh...?

"...my day off...tired as shit, but then i did oversleep. didn't feel like getting out of bed so i slept summore. mostly because the dream was more enticing than real life. i had nothing planned that day. i woke up later, got up and ate some food. then went to bed again and drifted off. then i woke, still nothing to do. so i eat. it got late, and nothing pulled at me at all. by then my back was sore for being on it for so long. i jerk off. check the time. then jerk off summore. then i start drinking. then i jerk off summore. now, i don't know if i want another drink since the head ache's gone..."

fcuk life

i think (and tell everyone else)
it'll get better
but it hasn't for me.

i think (but no one else does it)
turn into this tree...
but i drive on to my destination;
a cage.

and then i see,
my mother happy
and i wonder
"is that all it takes?"

and then i cry,
always when driving
alone
in the worst weather

what the hell am i (?)
supposed to do now

i call certain people
but no one answers
there was only one who would always answer
and now is gone

so what
the hell
am i