Saturday, November 28, 2009

fairy tale without the tale


a child remembered best as sweet, considerate, quick to help others. a leader in every social pack.
a child becomes an alcoholic. a liar. a smoker. an addict to vices.
a child remains a child.
placed directly under the parent's thumb. a child stills.
nothing remains but silenced will.
freedom is always delayed.

time becomes the closest friend.
the face of the clock most familiar.
the child puts her lips against his...

nightmares vanish as they become true
dreams overcome the daylight
a child can be a greedy, hungry whore for knowledge
when imprisoned

a child
stays
when the mother says stay

a child
obeys
when the mother says obey

a child dies
the mother dies

a child lives
the mother dies

a promise this time to be kept.

Friday, November 20, 2009

tracings

she lightly closes one eye and looks through the other, tentatively tracing the outline of a door frame, finishing at the floor, then starting over again backwards. forwards, then backwards, faster and faster-

"what are you doing?"

she had thought he was asleep. she turns to him, his face turned to hers now, his eyes large despite his awakening.

"tracing."

"tracing what with what?"

she gives him a smile and brings her finger up between their faces. she watches his eyes cross, then uncross.

"your finger?"

she nods.

"what are you tracing with your finger?"

"turn your head."

he does so and closes his eyes.

she pulls her head back a little further and begins to trace his profile. she traces it slowly: the top of the hair line with the odd strands poking every which way, down to the flat forehead that rises higher than where the sunken eyes rest below the eyebrows. the nose, she remembers he thinks is too small and pointed, and she thinks is just right. she plays the trace against his lips, then down his stubbled chin, over the adam's apple - she could have traced further but his peaking right eye distracts her.

she meets his eye.

"are you done tracing?"

"no."

she throws off the blanket that is covering him mid-chest, then continues to trace. a relatively flat line until she meets the thigh from her perspective-

her hand must have been a little close as he immediately grasps her hand and his erection as his lips close around her smile...
women are men's inspiration
a man's world is mine

Monday, November 16, 2009

every beginning starts somewhere
and then it ends somewhere further along

wherever that may be

a few years before college
college
some months into college

devoured time
wasted time
time well spent

time dissipated into a memory
a dream

did it happen

?

pictures are too much a permanence of what is no longer
films can interpret something more meaningful that took place
but is no longer

brevity is wisdom
wisdom is knowing
learn to forget
i can still smell you on my bed...

but i'm too lazy to wash my sheets.

thanksgiving will be a new smell

thanks for giving

jerk

Sunday, November 15, 2009

my drunken heart

when i'm drunk i'm fine
when i'm sober i think i've been wronged
when i'm drunk, i don't know how to stop drinking
when i'm sober, i can quit you

when i'm drunk, i can't write
when i'm sober, i can cry
when i'm drunk, i feel the hurt a lot less
when i'm sober, i feel like i can move on

when i'm drunk, i look skinnier
when i'm sober, i avoid a mirror
when i'm drunk, i have confidence
when i'm sober, i realize i need to get out of this town

when i'm drunk, i like you
when i'm sober, i hate you
when i'm drunk, i think of -----
when i'm sober, i think of ------

when i'm drunk, i'm loud
when i'm sober, i'm quiet
when i'm drunk, i'm dumb
when i'm sober, i'm dumb
"how does a guy win a girl like you?"
"easy. he needs his heart completely available for me to devour whole."
"that sounds frightening."
"that's why only the fearless can win me."
"are you saying you're available?"
"i'm fucking starving."

Saturday, November 14, 2009

i want to eat his heart out

i'll eat your bloodied heart and remember the taste of it
i'll laugh with no pity for your tears
i've spilled enough of my own
you're nothing to me now but someone i've destroyed
your destruction is my hope in life
i'll see you in hell

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

i was in danger of falling in love

Friday, November 6, 2009

the original rebels

in the midst of turmoil
something so startlingly beautiful

i wish i could talk to you, l
but why do i feel like i can't?

depletion, but it's needed for the basics of everything

met someone
new,
by someone amazing
there's strength in numbers,
it gives me strength

.....

"hi... my name is...lisa.
and... I'm an alcoholic."

everyone: "welcome lisa"

"i... drink, because... before certain.. things... it made me a better person... i thought. but now.. i got so used to it. and now though...it doesn't make me a happier person or a better person. i can't stop my tears, in whatever occasion, only when i'm with people, certain people - even then- i can stop my tears... but... for some reason... i'd rather cry.... because it's more real to me than having that...reservation..."

silence.

"i drink because... (heavy laugh)... i don't know. ... that's something. i... don't know. i'm a woman.. i should be strong.. right? does race have anything to do with it? i drink because... i drink, because then, i'm no longer angry.... why do i have to be angry all the time? i've been taught... to... not to be angry. it's not "christian." --- "forgive and forget..." --- and then... what?"

"i do all these things... but i'm still angry... and i drink to no longer be angry..... and i wonder... why am i still angry..sober?"

silence.
she sits... in the circle.

an outsider included among outsiders...
.....

if there's no passion...
there's nothing

if the heart's not there
there's nothing

if it's just action without meaning
or meaning without action
it's all meaningless...
....

men write off "women's power"
their "coming together"
as lesbianism
because there's such passion in it, there's something new and amazing and surprising

it's because men don't realize....

it's a new thing - when two women can come together in something amazing
and it's beyond sex, or sexual desire, there's no lesbianism.

we may not understand men's compansionship (as natural as it seems) -
but we envy it

and when it happens among women for us - it's so amazing, so powerful - we just get that glimpse of men - because it is so categorized in a man's world - but sadly the truth of it is...

women, would give up everything - EVER-RY-THING - for a man they love,but a man would not...

and in that...

is the breaker of equalization.

we strive for human connection.
men... want to stay on the throne.
and even then. we'd let them... just to feel they have something...

whatever it may be.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

excerpt

a girl sits naked at her dining table, her hair wet, fresh from a hot shower. she has a J&B on the rocks in front of her, she sips from it occasionally, lost in thought. she eyes her cell phone on the table. silent contact. she stands with her glass, walks over to her stereo, turns it on and begins to dance.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

save me