obsession

my human form is eclipsed by death
as an obsession i cannot tear myself from
the darkness is more startling than the glaring light
it holds so much more for me in promise
in relief
in the void that could wash out
(because it does)
humanity.

i see no evil in death
i hear no evil
i say nothing of evil in death

to have a man like that join death
i could not help but make him a part of that obsession
now whenever i writhe and curse god to kill me
he is intertwined in those thoughts
that make my pain more realized

who has the better end of the bargain?
i still think, not me.