im tired of being this kid
with a facade of an adult
a disguise of self confidence
when really
peel the first layer
and one will see the rotten corpse of a child
and the stink that was contained
will hit all at once in that sight

i can only grow when i have the courage
to let someone see that me

the courage that i show i have in boundless
the courage that i really don't have for myself

id rather die for someone
than die watching your face become repulsed
by who i am

i have come to realize...
i hate being from the midwest.
well
i am still in the midwest, but i will be known as
being from the midwest.

i was told by an indian from new jersey
i sound like i'm from indiana

it must be my drawl
and i'm an asian
an asian with a drawl

westerniz-asian

new guitar

still needs a name

life is so unreal that
it scares me when someone else confronts me
i disappear within myself
i laugh as they cry
because i can't accept it

i'm so lost in a daydream
i wonder if i have to wake up
in order to break the string of events that are occurring around me
seemingly out of my control

but i feel safe,
in my daydream
happy even
as others around me show me their pain
their hurt
their suffering

and i wonder why they don't see what i see
death is close by
so why do you wish to take so much control
let go
let go of me
let go of me

the touch i've been looking for

he strokes my body
but it dies-
(typo: does)
not reach my dead heart

you're soft, he says
i smile, letting him pet
the lion that waits to devour
waits
to devour...
to savor it when it's obtained
(if it is ever)

he does not know
how harrrrrrrd
i can get

uh...?

"...my day off...tired as shit, but then i did oversleep. didn't feel like getting out of bed so i slept summore. mostly because the dream was more enticing than real life. i had nothing planned that day. i woke up later, got up and ate some food. then went to bed again and drifted off. then i woke, still nothing to do. so i eat. it got late, and nothing pulled at me at all. by then my back was sore for being on it for so long. i jerk off. check the time. then jerk off summore. then i start drinking. then i jerk off summore. now, i don't know if i want another drink since the head ache's gone..."

fcuk life

i think (and tell everyone else)
it'll get better
but it hasn't for me.

i think (but no one else does it)
turn into this tree...
but i drive on to my destination;
a cage.

and then i see,
my mother happy
and i wonder
"is that all it takes?"

and then i cry,
always when driving
alone
in the worst weather

what the hell am i (?)
supposed to do now

i call certain people
but no one answers
there was only one who would always answer
and now is gone

so what
the hell
am i